Today I am feeling extremely vulnerable! Like I am in the middle of absolutely no where with materials, a few basic instructions and the expectation to build. Building, I assume, will take much focus. It’s difficult to focus when you can’t understand what is happening, why you are where you are, and worried about attack from either side of where you stand. Focus. Ok, so these limited instructions challenge my own ability. In fact they make my abilities feel completely obsolete. These instructions completely eliminate what I know and requires that I follow them to the letter otherwise I will slow down the process of whatever it is that I am to build. In fact everything that I need to use for building this construct doesn’t even seem present. My anxiety is high at this point. I decided that I am going to throw a tantrum! WHAT IS HAPPENING AND WHY AM I HERE? I stand up and begin, or at least I try! I find that as I am following these instructions that answers are coming as I go. I feel better, a bit more confident and encouraged. However, when I come upon a challenge, war erupts inside. I want to run, run back to familiar territory. Hide even! Except nothing is familiar around me and the road to familiar is destroyed. No shelter in sight. My breathing quickens and I become extremely angry! How long will I be here? Everything is out of my control. I want control back. I want it back now! I mean right now! My surroundings aren’t moved. It only grows more quiet and more peaceful! Somehow the silence bares witness with my inner self. I suddenly know that where I am is exactly where I should be. Where I am is producing something in me. And although my instructions seem to require me to employ actions that feel opposite of what the results may be, I have this assured hope that fortification and beauty awaits me.... For now, I’ll cry and build. Build and cry. Restoration is at work....
Ps. 23:3
Keep going! Don’t you dare stop! We’re in this together and Christ is our sufficiency! Future is calling... Let’s answer!
