I want to Die...
I’m going to die. That’s exactly what I am setting my intentions on as we approach a new decade. I am going to die to a myriad of things, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Mostly I need to grow accustomed to dying over and over again. Making it my way of life. Trusting that as I die deaths until eternity, I make room for life abundantly. That’s a Jesus Promise. Laying aside my old self (which is being corrupted less I remain dead), peel off every artificial layer that I have bundled myself up in. Get naked. Wash myself in Truth renewal, with a heavy focus on the Spirit of my mind, and be adorned my new self, God likeness. I am going to die.
I AM going to starve every ungodly ambition, every self indulgent motivation, the need for a round of applause approving my efforts to be better, self-deceit. I am going to stop relying on people to tell me I can do it. I am enough. I am going to.
I feel her. I feel me. She is asking that we don’t just try this time. She is asking that we do. She is asking that we embrace the grit, the pain, the tears, the joy, the success. We haven’t mastered success yet. She is asking that we take it 24 hours at a time. She is encouraging me! There is a powerful thing that happens when You begin to cheer yourself on. It’s majestic even!
I am grateful for the people that have been in my life, that are in my life, and that will show up. To every person who celebrated me when I could not celebrate myself. Those who were patient even if behind closed doors you fussed me out lol. It’s ok. Thank you for being a lifeline ...
... But these next few months, it’s going to get personal. Me vs. Me. I can smell the victory. God made me a predestined Victor, he made me MORE THAN A CONQUEROR. There is going to be a good gladiator fight...
I’m not coming out until I’m good and dead...
How else shall I live?