Grace, Growth, & the Greyhound...

The last six days have taken the privilege of trying to wear me out. I want to sprawl out on my couch, eat chips, binge on a Netflix series and cry in between episodes. I want to pause life, pause the discomfort and pretend that I don’t have to dig my heels in any further and press on...

Press on? It sounds dramatic but stick with me?

June 8- June 14th

1.) Booked the wrong flight (date) for a trip home to Michigan for my nieces graduation- Approx. $511 plus an Uber ride to the event center from Airport $32. This includes the one way ticket purchased to get to graduation on time in addition to the original ticket purchased. Def didn’t have this money for real!

2.) Trip back to Atlanta-Greyhound Bus for 17 Hours from Detroit, MI.

3.) Thursday I get to my interview and my back tire is edging on a flat and my brakes sound like a bag of Doritos being run over every time I stop.

4.) Friday- My car is booted and I get an email from the school I was due to attend in 2 weeks that they have had to drop my classes due to me essentially not handling my business a few years ago.

**There are a few things I have omitted for privacy**

Blow after Blow after Blow...

Whoa! What is happening? Why is it happening and do I have to screw up all the time? Were my initial thoughts. I mean the voice of failure has been taunting me. Big time! All I could replay in my mind was how I keep messing up and how I keep hitting these rough places in my life. I have made the firm decision to move forward, grow, and heal... No take backs! I anticipated some growing pains but sheesh!

Guys, May was bliss! Not perfect just blissful. I moseyed through difficult moments with such joy and optimism. I mean singing in the rain, Harlem shaking, feeling Good Feeling Great how are you? Is what I’m talking ‘bout!!!

However, June hit me like a ton of bricks and demanded everything that doesn’t belong in my heart, my thoughts, my habits... ALL’IT! Every day has felt like I am trudging through mud. You guys know that my word is intentional? I have had to intentionally decide everyday to respond well to life. Emotionally, spiritually, relationally. The concept of giving up and snuggling in a place of delusion is not an option anymore. My desire to BE AN OVERCOMER is now greater than cowering to the shadowy threat of my adversary. And sometimes my adversary is my own voice.

But here is the thing... On my 17 hour ride home; Admittedly I had to recognize a few things. One, I have a bomb squad. God really loves me and He has made that clear by who He has gifted me to know, to be friends with and to call family. It’s hard asking for help when we want so badly to have it together and when needing anything from anyone is excruciatingly uncomfortable and mortifying for someone like me. Afraid to look weak! Secondly, I have had to step back and celebrate the strength in me. The tenacity and the fight in me! I didn’t give up one time this week. I FOUGHT! I opened my mouth to ask for help and I opened my hand to receive it. I got in God’s presence anyway and there was a whole lot of babbling and crying and question asking! I don’t know if I accomplished anything, I just knew I wasn’t going to be caught NOT SHOWING UP! I showed up...when in times past, it would have been easy for me to say, “I’m not good enough and I don’t have it all together so I don’t deserve to be here...”. Had I done that I would have missed out on an answered prayer! I’m not going to lie, it feels impossible when God is asking for more and you’re just trying to get your bills paid and your money up. Making the shift from surviving to thriving is an inside Job! I mean clearly there are some practical steps that I need to take so that I am properly positioned for increase and the devour can pass me over. But it’d be like God to let life knock all of your pins down seemingly at once so that He can fortify you anew. He can shake you out of passivity and make you a partaker of what He is doing in you, for you, around you, and through you! I personally feel like a little girl trying out her big girl chair for the first time. It feels a little big, but I’m sure I’ll grow into it.... Because here is what I know,

“For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

https://www.bible.com/116/eph.2.6.nlt

I am seated with Christ and I’m UNITED with Him... so my perspective, my approach, my speech, my actions, are being realigned to that of a Royal...

I ain’t never been royal before 😏... except I’ve been royal all along... and apparently Royals have ACCESS!!

So although I want to cry and eat chips and feel sorry for me... I can’t lol! And I’m elated!! I’m going to press as I am being pressed and rearranged and stripped.

I want to encourage you if this is where you are. Take refuge in the Majesty of our Father... it’s seems counter productive when so much has to be done... But what is Faith?

Let’s keep going... We got this and HE HAS US (GRACE) 🌸💜

**Squeals** I’m so excited 😆

Love you,

Jess

“YOU ARE ENOUGH! You’re QUALITY and YOU MEET ALLL Expectations!!”