Choices…
That word encompasses a lot. How do we move from toxic to healthy choices? I do believe that our choices are encouraged by our appetites. Whatever we yearn for or desire determines what and maybe even who we choose. Why do we yearn for what we yearn for? Choice for me has always been a struggle in one way or another. The battle between right and wrong…
As I grew up, because of lack of true understanding, poor theology at times, human nature, and experiences, I was a victim to a very unhealthy internal climate. There was always, almost ALWAYS an internal storm. Peer pressure, identity issues, home issues, failure, fear of failure, condemnation, ridicule for making a mistake, people pleasing, self-sabotage, insecurity, irresponsibility etc... That battle to get it right started to feel like a win would always be impossible. Eventually you grow tire of being at war, turn your face from what’s true and you begin to concede to temporal relief. Feeding on what’s present instead of what’s nourishing although they both sit before you. Strengthening the wrong parts of myself? I did this. Which led me to cycles of short-lived revelation and temporal peace back in to the arms of exhaustion and weariness from poor nutrition. The moment it was time for me to face a giant, act with integrity, not answer the call to a weakness was the moment I chose to consume what was forbidden. Flustered, overwhelmed, empty, and discouraged after disappointment(s) or failure(s) I reached for it every time.
Recently, after many failures, praying, reading, learning, counseling, I was able to let go of a staple in my diet. This staple pulled me away from God every time. It’s decadence was the last of its kind in my life and I am grateful that I know longer crave it. I know that it wasn’t just my ability to make a strong choice on my own. And although I listed all the things, I DID to bring me to this choice, I believe that because I AM GOD’S choice FIRST, He fought for me and with me through every battle to lead to those decisions. Psalms 119:32 (TPT) says, “I will run after you with delight in my heart, for you will make me obedient to your instruction.” I got so excited reading that verse the other day, because it reminded me of the Sovereignty of God. I am a firm believer that we have a part in how our lives bloom… choices…BUT Abba chose us first. There is already an ending to our beginning and He is faithful to us in the in between. Ps. 119:66 (TPT) says, “Teach me how to make good decisions and give me revelation-light…”. The writer recognized his inability to make sound good decisions on his own. James 1:5 (TPT) And if anyone longs to be wise, ask God for wisdom and He will give it. He won’t see your lack of wisdom as an opportunity to scold you over your failures, but He will overwhelm your failures WITH GRACE.
Recognizing His faithfulness, exhausted from the fight, I wanted to make sure I stewarded my freedom well this time. So I embarked on a 5 day water only fast. I was led to do so. During I asked God to reveal the appetites in me that I leaned on instead of HIM. I wanted to acknowledge them. Affirm that they were real and then throw them away. Romans 8:12 (TPT) So then, beloved ones, the flesh has no claims on us at all, and we have no further obligation to live in obedience to it!” This verse reminded me that those toxic choices I leaned on really was just strengthened flesh. I must learn to starve her and feed the most treasured part of me so as I remember that I am God’s choice first and HIS CHOSEN PLAN for me, for us... is GOOD!!
Psst...don't forget that you're ENOUGH....Quality. Meeting ALL Expectations... go tell a friend :!
